Is It Really Possible to Always "Be Yourself"?
This is a question I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. This advice, “be yourself,” seems to be society’s ultimate resolution when any problem of the “self” comes into contention with any new challenge or problem. Somehow, being “yourself” can allow you to surmount any obstacle, vanquish any enemy, and achieve every victory. But in a world where we must learn to adapt to situations, where it is becoming increasingly difficult to connect with people on an interpersonal level, and where the boundaries set up by socio-economic circumstances often force us to have to play certain roles—where is the room to be “ourselves”?
We surely have fundamental aspects of our personalities, but ultimately, we do not have one “self” that we can use in any and all situations. I had a friend who once told me this in chemistry class in high school:
“People are like chemicals, oxygen is always oxygen, but oxygen with calcium is different than oxygen with hydrogen.”
I thought this was a really great example of who we are as individuals. Words and concepts like “tact,” “professionalism,” “intuition,” “adaptation,” etc., exist because the idea of being “yourself” is more complicated. If you are a brash and blunt individual, how do you give advice to someone who prefers their help sugar-coated? When I want to help someone, I try to frame my advice in a way that helps get the message across. Is this way of framing somehow less genuine than if I were to give the advice sharply and directly? Where’s the limit?
“But remember, bee yourself” Even Genie thought it can help you bag princesses… (0:29)
What about in workplace situations? Say you hate your boss, and you’re the type of person to tell people you hate them directly—should you “be yourself” and tell your boss to go to hell? “Well that’s just being unkind,” you say, but what if your “self” isn’t a kind self? What if the stakes to being yourself are higher?
In essence, I say this to mean that we should start evaluating the ubiquitous values that constantly circulate within our society. We live in a versatile and nuanced world, and therefore we have to be versatile and nuanced for our own sanity.
When mayor of Newark, New Jersey Cory Booker came to speak at my school. He offered this old adage:
“I can’t hear what you’re saying, who you are is speaking so loudly.”
What I gather from this is not that we should actively “be ourselves,” but rather that we cannot help but be ourselves. Perhaps the better advice is to figure out how to be honest with our “selves,” to listen to how we are feeling about a situation, to trust the decisions we make and stand behind them. To “be yourself,” is to attempt to perform some meta-something we truly know nothing about. However, there is a certain je ne sais quoi that always moves our spirit, our integrity, our feelings, and emotions—and the “being” we do should consist of learning to listen to ourselves.
So “be yourself,” is a little unhelpful. I think I prefer the other corny cliché,
“Follow your heart.”
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
-TalleyMarked
